A name has a million reasons to relate with…to relate to…ones name i realise is destiny’s dreams packaged for you…mine was chosen by my grandmom…it means Wealth of Knowledge and that’s what i hope destiny dictates to me…wander and gather wisdom…i am under construction constantly evolving…Ulysses like i aver I CANNOT REST FROM TRAVEL…wonder what DRINK LIKE TO THE LEES would mean for me…The first album i posted on FB was titled hues…trying to share the world as i see it..the beautiful sights that crowd my world …the ones that are very close to the heart…that linger as memories flashing on that inward eye …I pondered should my blog be called LENS, PENS AND KEYBOARDS OR SHOULD IT BE HUES AND TEXTURES …narrowed on the latter…got to writing only recently. have told myself that i’ve got to persist for atleast 40 days…with encouraging friends i’m sure i would persist.
Circa 1990 The room I walked into as a novice teacher
Transformed into a lot else before it became the Principal’s office
I re-entered it in 1999 donning a new avtar
I quietly exercised my grey cells trying to find my way to administering the school
I felt the effect of uneasy lies the head that wears the —–
Within months I had a new companion
She towered and shone in her resplendent yellow
Lost in reverie I would gaze at the whorl and have my Eureka moments.
Wonder struck kids would curiously ask to climb
I’ve gathered many in my arms and walked down when fear stalls them mid way
Every person walking into my room would stare at her curiously
To me she was a benign presence mysterious and lending an old world charm
Every morning she is the first I see as I open my door
Over the years e my silent companion watching my day pan out
I didn’t believe when they said, she would have to go
I hoped and prayed she would stay,
She has been marked and measured
Plans to move her out made
My abode sans her will never be the same.
Adieu to the magic and mysterious guardian of my abode.
தஞ்சை பெரிய கோவில்
செதுக்கிய சிற்பங்கம்பிரமாய் வீற்றிருக்க
செதுக்கிய சிற்பியை கூட்டம் வியந்து போற்ற
பிட்டுக்கு மண் சுமந்தவரும் இல்லை
கணக்கிற்று இந்த பொக்கிஷத்தை தோற்றுவித்தவரும் இன்றில்லை
ஆலயத்தை கட்டுவித்த அரசனும் இன்றில்லை
மெய்சிலிர்த்து அண்ணாந்து பார்த்து, வியந்து, ஆராய்ந்து பெருமை கொள்ள
நம் முன்னோரின் அறிவு, கலை நுட்பம், செயல் திறனை
உலகுக்கு பறை சாற்ற
நமக்கு கிடைத்த அரும் போக்கிஷம்
தஞ்சை பெரிய கோவில்
We all come destined to draw a certain number of breaths in this planet. Never one more or never one less. What spans the first and the last is what is termed our life. How we live it, what we do in it, how we leave it, what purpose we set for ourselves, how we shape ourselves, how we get shaped by others and how we shape the lives of others defines who we are.
Its around 60 hours since I lost a dear one. My youngest Athai Saraswathi Narayanaswamy or Sachu to family. Being a strong believer that souls that feel connected, are born together in ties that bind us in this life, I have deeply reflecting, remembering this noble soul and the indelible mark she left on my life. This is my way of celebrating her life.
She arrived in this world, on Saraswathi Puja and her family chose to name her after the goddess of Learning. She lived up to that name every second and left leaving lessons worthy of emulation. Losing her father at a tender age, she was raised by a family, that together grappled to compose itself and rise like a flock of Phoenix. Each uniquely different. The significance of learning, honing in on skills, resilience and adaptability became the cornerstone of her life.
If seeing is believing, I am in total belief and awe what a multi- faceted person she was. A nurturer in the true sense, she nurtured everyone she interacted with, in her own way. I take you through a few events which would aptly illustrate my perspective, of how she shaped me into who I am.
The striving for perfection the pursuit for excellence I imbibed from her. After the regular exchanges, she would always ask me how I was doing with my learning. Whenever I scored a centum in number work, space work , algebra or grammar I would get more than a hug … a book or a goody. I got my first Oxford illustrated children’s dictionary from her at 7. By our next meeting I had explored and discovered how it worked and began to put it to use. Lesson 1: This belief that if I could do it, you can too; which I hold, I believe stems from this seed sown by her.
Art, music, nature are all an integral part of all we do. We should visualize, get the big picture and make our every action contribute to it is Lesson 2 I learnt from her. Her very aesthetically designed garden, the fish tank, bird bath, the collection of books were visible indicators of that. The walk in wardrobe she designed for her home, the plate drop option near the hand wash, utilizing the space under the staircase for clothes to be ironed, niches under windows to store story books, she had thought of 4 decades ago….this to me was applying spatial design and thinking in all you do. Lesson 3: learning and deep thinking should guide all your plans and action.
I was a common fixture for a couple of days in her home during every Navrathri. She would create images of goddesses. Her outline Meera and I would fill with colours as per directions. I was curious how the texture was so pliable in our hands she led me by hand to show me how the powder had been prepared sprinkling water and drying to make it flow easily through the hands of novices…. Solutions need not be great interventions but small hacks go a long way in making way for others to taste success is Lesson 4 I derived from her actions . Meera and I had made a pookalam following her plan. She looked at our finished piece and she said ‘get me some hibiscus leaves’. As if playing a game with her as Queen of Sheeba we scampered and brought it….she picked one from all 3 of us Cheenu was now in the race too. She placed it in the periphery and asked us ‘Does it look nice?’ Wow! it looked so much better and we quickly completed what she had begun. Lesson 5 through play like activity, build collaboration, delegation, collective decision making, looking for the big picture but be ever watchful of the finer details. This was an implicit lesson . Today as an educator, I am able to apply this to all I do.
When she was moving into her new home, Paati wanted to give her a gift and asked her what she would like. Paati had a beautiful vilakku that height of which could be adjusted. Athai told paati she would like that and no big deal, one would think. No , she called me from play and showed me the vilakku and said ‘ Do you like this would you want to have it when you become a lady?’ I was puzzled by the question. She was receiving a gift from her mother yet as a claimant to a treasured place in my paatis heart she did not want to take something I liked. I was overwhelmed that I was consulted. I said , ‘ If this is Paati’s gift we should take it to Jansi stores have it polished and packed nicely’. Lesson 6: No one is too young to be consulted and the desires of all should be consulted is a lesson I learnt that day. Something the children in my life know is very sacred to me.
Every Diwali she would get her mother and mother in law silk sarees that were similar. She would get Meera and me identical outfits for our birthdays (which happen to be two days apart). She treated people on par a lesson in how one creates an inclusive world all around. She had tips on how I should do my trousseau shopping. She took me to Shilpi to get me a dress once. The first time I went to a designer store. She had picked a garnet and pearl set as my wedding gift even before my wedding plans has begun. If I looked at sarees, I knew which she would pick from the lot. When I recently picked a piece from the jeweler she took me to as a kid. The man had a smile. I wondered why. He said ‘ Oru vishayam sollattuma? Idhu 5th Ramar pattabishekam nanga senjathu. unga athai 4 vaanginaga neenga idha edukaringa. Avanga sonnagala?’ No we had never discussed such matters after my wedding but somehow we were drawn by similar things. Realisation that my learning has become my action.
I would have loved to join her school if I were in Chennai. Having moved cities it was natural for me to veer to the same path. Being an educator,where her influence can be seen is the support I am able to give to those children others find difficult to handle or those whom mainstream schools would attach labels to and give up on. I engage in reading, observing and understanding the needs of children with learning difficulties. I spare no efforts in ensuring their strengths are celebrated. Where did I learn it? Of course from her.
She was a trendsetter. Bharathis Pudhumaipenn in many ways. She spoke her mind and stood up for what she believed. Her poise created an aura around her and to strangers she may have come across as being cold. My bed time stories as a child had to be tales from our family’s history. One which I’ve heard about her is the way she handled a prankster. She had extremely long , thick hair and I’ve heard even for the namakaranam they had to tie it with a ribbon. I’ve heard how people never thought it was real and as she walked with friends to Queen Mary’s College some smart Alec tried to pull the braid to prove it was not real hair. How she had turned and glared and the guy disappeared always made me laugh.
Life is never a bed of roses. Your strength is tested each time you receive a set back. A s/hero is one who faces these challenges heads on, transforming cinches and setbacks to become your greatest asset. When I last met her in March we talked of varied things and the talk digressed to plants and she asked if I would help her identify some plants. Our exchanges in April were with reference to plants.
The genuine interest she showed in others. The equanimity she showed in her interaction be it her extended family or the circle of friends or the myriad families her path breaking work touched. Adored by all that came under her charm she is an icon. One shining star that takes eons to appear.
To me she was, is and will be one of my greatest Sheros. Somebody with whom I share my lineage. Somebody who left an indelible mark on the way I think act and am. ‘Au revoir’. I’m sure we’d meet again .
மனிதர் தவிர்த்து, தாவரம் நாடி தினம் தினம் நீ நடந்தாய்
நீ நடந்த வழி நெடுகிலும்
தலை நிிர்ந்து கிளை அசைத்து
நிழல் நல்கி வண்ண மலர் சொரிந்து மணம் பரப்பி
நிற்கின்றன நீ நின்று மௌன மொழி பேசி மகிழ்ந்த
செடி கொடிகள்
நீ பகிர்ந்த செடி,கொடி தாவர அறிவை, நேயத்தை உள் வாங்கி
நீ விட்டு சென்ற பணி தொடர
உன்னை என்றென்றும் நினைவில் சுமக்கும் நான் மற்றும்
உன் கை வண்ணம் பறை சாற்றி நிற்கும்
ஏழில் மிகு பூஞ்சோலையாய் எம் பள்ளி.
Few years ago I peered curiously through the window
At the gothic structure that stood tall
Too close to capture the splendor in its entirety
Excitedly I began my tour of Paris to be wowed by the famed cathedral.
With tilted head I walked through her
The walls reflecting myriad hues
Each piece of glass crafted with care
A breathtaking piece of art i felt…
I woke to read she’s been ablaze
I conjure up in my mind’s eye her resplendent form
An iconic spot so dear in my heart
Ethereal place of worship up in smoke now
Kites soar and tantalize the flier
brimming with pride the kite flier scans for admirers
A few seconds is all it takes for a deal to snap the kite
The missing kite transforms him into an enlightened soul
He realizes in a minute its a lost cause to cry.
The tree was once a safe haven for birds.
Now is decked up with fluttering remnants of what was a Kite.
She looked askance at the tree
breaking into a smile ruminating
Poetic justice … that the kite that slits a flying bird at its neck
Has snapped its ties with its flier
In response to a bird lovers prayer this kite perches on the tree
Mocking with a flutter here and a flutter there seeming to say
‘Catch Me if You Can’.
Water the elixir of life transformed into a nightmare
The deluge transformed into an insatiable banshee devouring man made and nature’s creation
Numbed the young and old alike helplessly stare at the sweeping sheets of water
Rivers dammed by man loom large as threats
Resilience and grit stamped in the DNA of the enterprising people will emerge
Somber mood will make way for hope
This too shall pass
My city’s famed potholed roads vie with
The sidewalks paved with taxpayers money, that caved in
No problems the city planners yelled
Tender sure will come to your aid
Ingenious are the ways of denizens in my city
LCVs parked snugly in spaces meant for the likes of me
Two wheel riders have claimed side walks as theirs
Metro not wishing to be labelled backward
vies with warring siblings to split up homes
Flyovers inaugurated with fanfare are being torn down to make way for Metro
The expressway that was the cynosure of folks like me
Is a nightmare to traverse in most evenings
Not a day passes without news items of gaping potholes and caving paved footpaths et al
We live in a Banana republic for sure sans civic sense, sans trees sand spaces where one can walk free
Early I was in the winding line
Eager I was to exercise my franchise
Who am I?
I ask myself .
Am I the form that others see?
What others label as me?
Am I the joy and sorrow the excitement and boredom?
Am I the curiously wide eyed child?
Am I the cynical adult judging all I see?
Am I the towering mountain?
Am I the relentless wave now relating to the shore and shying away in a trice?
Am I the flamboyant tree that sways in the breeze?
Am I the blade of grass carefully hoarding the dew drop every morn?
Am I the performer delighting at my hearts song?
Am I the numbing wall of silence that others struggle to break through?
Am I what you choose to see?
Am I what I choose you to see?
Am I then transient?
A moment of make believe?
Who am I?
huesandtextures 